A Dog's Rules for Christmas


 Be especially patient with your humans during this time. They may
appear to be more stressed-out than usual and they will appreciate long
comforting dog leans.

 They may come home with large bags of things they call gifts. Do not
assume that all the gifts are yours.

 Be tolerant if your humans put decorations on you. They seem to get
some special kind of pleasure out of seeing how you look with fake antlers.

 They may bring a large tree into the house and set it up in a
prominent place and cover it with lights and decorations. Bizarre as this
may seem to you, it is an important ritual for your humans, so there are
some things you need to know:

- Don't pee on the tree.
- Don't drink water in the container that holds the tree.
- Mind your tail when you are near the tree.
- If there are packages under the tree, even ones that smell
interesting or that have your name on them, don't rip them open.
- Don't chew on the cord that runs from the funny-looking hole in the
wall to the tree.

- Your humans may occasionally invite lots of strangers to come visit
during this season. These parties can be lots of fun, but they also
call for some discretion on your part:

... Not all strangers appreciate kisses and leans.
... Don't eat off the buffet table.
... Beg for goodies subtly.
- Be pleasant, even if unknowing strangers sit on your sofa.
- Don't drink out of glasses that are left within your reach.

6. Likewise, your humans may take you visiting. Here your manners will
also be important:


~ Observe all the rules in for trees that may be in other people's
houses. (first one is particularly important)
~ Respect the territory of other animals that may live in the house.
~ Tolerate children.
~ Turn on your charm big time.

  A big man with a white beard and a very loud laugh may emerge from
your fireplace in the middle of the night.
DON'T BITE HIM!!

************************************************

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?

    1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?
   

    2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
   

    3. Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!
   

    4. Rottweiler: Make me.
   

    5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
   

    6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!
   

    7. German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.
   

    8. Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.   (how true)!
   

    9. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb!
   

    10. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
   

    11. Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb. Or "We don't need no stinking light bulb."
   

    12. Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
   

    13. Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...
   

    14. Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
   
********************************************

PETS AND PRAYER
by Niki Behrikis Shanahan

      If your pet were sick would you pray for them, and if you did,
do you think it would help?
      If your pet were lost, would you pray for their safe return?
      I believe that prayer makes a big difference in the outcome of
******any situation.  Mother Teresa said, "More tears are shed over
answered prayers than unanswered ones."
      Prayer is an active and hopeful means of reaching out to
experience God's goodness.
      Some people may not think you should pray for animals, but why
not?  Didn't God create all the animals?  Don't they know that God
loves all His creatures?
      The Bible says that our pets are part of our household, and most
people pray for their family members.  Our animal companions are
surely part of our family!
      My husband, Jack, and I continually prayed for our cat, Pete,
during his life.  Pete had several health concerns, including urinary
tract problems, which can be life threatening.  Veterinarians told us
his kidneys were small and he had an enlarged heart.  Then in his
senior years he developed kidney disease.  In spite of all that, God
blessed Pete and he lived to be over 21 years old, which is
considered a long life for a cat.
      When we learned that Pete's kidneys were in trouble, we often
fasted once a week, anointed Pete with oil, and prayed for him daily.
We kept track of his creatine and BUN readings, gave him one Tumil-K
potassium pill a day and kept praying.
      This went on for a few years until one day he became lethargic,
and had to be rushed to the hospital.  After that we gave him fluids
with vitamin B in it every day, and God gave us another ten months
with him.
      Pete had an excellent quality of life and was always happy
throughout his years here on earth with us.  God used Jack and me and
our prayers and faith to bless Pete, and Pete was a great blessing to
us!  We are thankful to God for all the years we spent with Pete.
      We take prayer requests for pets on our website and have been
blessed with some wonderful answers to prayer.  There's the little
Maltese that had a tumor that the vet said couldn't be removed.  We
prayed with his mom for a miracle, and within a few days she had
emailed us to tell us that the tumor drained out and the swelling was
gone!
      Rocky the German Shepherd/Husky, a cat named Gareth, another cat
named Minu, and Zoom the ferret, were all lost pets.  We prayed with
their pet parents, and we're happy to say that they all returned
home, safe and sound.
      Annie's dog, Fred, had a pendulous belly.  The vet told her that
he was afraid Fred might have Cushing's Disease.  He ran a blood test
and Fred's number was high so he gave him a special test, which would
determine if Fred had Pituitary Dependant Cushing's.  Annie said
she'd been anointing Fred with oil each day, praying for him, and
trusting God for a miracle.  Fred's test came back negative!
      Max was sick with feline triaditis (cholangiohepatitis,
pancreatitis, and irritable bowel disease), which was affecting his
whole digestive system with inflammation.  He also has a very serious
heart murmur, which makes anesthesia as a diagnostic or treatment
option too dangerous to try, and limits the options to help him.  His
mom said, "He's been fighting for his life for a solid month, and
we've been doing everything we can to help him, but we know that it
is truly in God's hands."
      We prayed with Max's mom, and a few days later she said, "Max
has been doing SO MUCH better!  I took him to the doctor Monday, and
he gave him a clean bill of health, and frankly, the vet was
surprised at his recovery."
      In summary, we don't have to wait until something is wrong to
pray.  We can start praying for our pets today and ask God to protect
them and keep them healthy.
      There's a quote from an unknown author that says, "Seven days
without prayer makes one weak."

      -- Niki Behrikis Shanahan   <eternalanimals @ comcast

*****************************
The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.
-Anonymous

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
-Ann Landers

If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.
-Will Rogers

There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.
-Ben Williams

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves
himself.
-Josh Billings


The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
-Andy Rooney

We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made.
-M. Acklam

Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate.
-Sigmund Freud

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
-Rita Rudner

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three
times before lying down.
-Robert Benchley

Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.
-Franklin P. Jones

If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have
known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.
-James Thurber

If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise.  (OOPS!! I was wondering about that)
-Unknown

My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That's almost $21.00 in dog money.
-Joe Weinstein

Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul -- chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!
-Anne Tyler

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
-Robert A. Heinlein



If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
-Mark Twain

You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'Wow, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'
- Dave Barry

Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.
-Roger Caras

If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your
pocket and then give him only two of them.
-Phil Pastoret

My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.

***************************


** DOGGIE DICTIONARY **


LEASH:
 A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your mom and dad
where you want him/her to go.


DOG BED:
 any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room
or the newly upholstered couch in the living room.


DROOL:
 Is what you do when your mom and dad have food and you don't.
To do this properly you must sit as close as you can and look sad
and let the drool fall to the floor, or better yet, on their laps.


SNIFF:
A social custom to use when you greet other dogs.
Place your nose as close as you can to the other dog's rear end and inhale deeply,
 repeat several times, or until your person makes you stop.


GARBAGE CAN:
 A container where mom and dad put food they don't want to test your ingenuity.
 You must stand on your hind legs and try to push the lid off with your nose.
If you do it right you are rewarded with margarine wrappers to shred,
 beef bones to consume and moldy crusts of bread.


BICYCLES:
Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to control body fat.
 To get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out,
bark loudly and run alongside for a few yards;
the person then swerves and falls into the bushes, and you prance away.


DEAFNESS:
This is an affliction which affects dogs when their mom or dad want them in and they want to stay out. Symptoms include staring blankly at the person,
 then running in the opposite direction, or lying down.


THUNDER:
 This is a signal that the world is coming to an end.
Mom and dad remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms,
 so it is necessary to warn them of the danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting,
rolling your eyes wildly and following their every move.


WASTEBASKET:
This is a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes, and old candy wrapper.
When you get bored, turn over the basket and strew the papers all over the house
 until your mom and dad comes home.


SOFAS:
re to dogs like napkins are to people.
 After eating it is polite to run up and down the front of the sofa
and wipe your whiskers clean.

BATH:
 This is a process by which mom and dad drench the floor, walls and themselves.
 You can help by shaking vigorously and frequently.


LEAN:
Every good dogs's response to the command "sit !", especially if your mom and dad are dressed for an evening out. Incredibly effective before black-tie events.


BUMP:
The best way to get your mom and dad's attention when they are drinking
a fresh cup of coffee or tea.


GOOSE BUMP:
A maneuver to use as a last resort when the Regular Bump doesn't get the attention you require.....especially effective when combined with The Sniff.
See above.


LOVE:
 Is a feeling of intense affection, given freely and without restriction.
 The best way you can show your love is to wag your tail.
 If you're lucky, a human will love you in return.

 
 **********************************************

You've bred a bitch
You've bred a bitch, a winning thing,
and make her a champion of the ring.
She's sound, she's lovely, a joy to see.
You want to breed her carefully.

Taking lots of time, you look around.
The stud must be both typey and sound.
You study pedigrees till you're blind,
Faithfully building the litter in your mind.

Several possibilities appear,
You write to all, and wait to hear.
Some write back, "My dog's the best".
You never hear from all the rest.

You choose the one you hope is right,
Although the stud fee's out of sight.
You breed your bitch...the die is cast,
The next nine weeks don't go by fast.

Of course, the lady whelps in the middle of the night.
With luck and care, all comes out alright.
The next eight weeks you fret and strain,
Feed and scoop and try to train.

You take such care with the home they get,
This one a show dog...that one a pet.
The new owners call with problems dear,
You're on the phone for half the year.

At last, the grand moment you've longed to know
Your lady's pups have come to their first show.
They all look fine, not one a dud,
Then from behind you comes, WOW...
nice pups...who's the STUD????
 
 
 
 
 
 
Revelant Manuela Strada Rasoio 3 15010 Gamalero AL tel 0131709492